U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
