I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm too high and old for this...
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