I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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