will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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