i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
