Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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