I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
