it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
