Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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