I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
