just tell him i said nine months
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
