I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
