She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
