I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
