I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
