i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
