so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
