You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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