Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
