ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
