Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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