the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
