I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
