Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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