My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
