everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
