College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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