I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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