one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona