Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess