I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.