can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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