I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
