I just threw up on my dentist
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
