Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
