who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I must be too annoying 4 u.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
