I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
