Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
