Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
