That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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