I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
