This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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