I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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