What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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