walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
