Life is so much better after having sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
