Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
