quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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