I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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