its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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