I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
