47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
