Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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