Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
