Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
