True but thats because hes a fetus.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
