Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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