He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
