and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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