u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish my penis had an off switch
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
