She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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