It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
