We're like a lot better than the average bears
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
