There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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