you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
