Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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