I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex on a dog bed..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
