Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
